I built a house for love to grow
I was so young that it was hard to know
I'm as lost now as I was back then
Always make a mess of everything
It's about time that I face myself
All I do is bleed into someone else
Painting walls with all my secret tears
Filling rooms with all my hopes and fears
The first time I heard this song, I was mesmerised. I've been sitting on this blogpost for a while and didn't know how to approach this particular piece. How could a song capture feelings that I haven't felt that I could confront for myself? The power of music, when lyrics can transport you to places that you don't want to go, but need to be; that's when you know you are where you are meant to be. What do you know when you're young when you think you're building a place for love to grow - but you lose sight of that growth? Maybe we are constantly meant to make a mess of everything, because isn't mess all relative anyway? Be careful of the places where you bleed. They can be hostile spaces that seek to bring you down, or people who are intent on laughing at your demise.
But oh my, oh my
I'll never learn if I never leap
I'll always yearn if I never speak
How many times have you held back from leaping? You might never learn the same way as others do, so frustrations surface and you talk past each other. Making excuses doesn't work either. When do you reach an impasse when you are just not able to see someone else's perspective? Maybe they don't understand where you're coming from because they've never been there? What are you yearning for? Being able to pivot, do what normally feels the complete opposite of your natural inclination takes practice and quite frankly, a level of commitment that you are struggling to face.
To be loved and love at the highest count
Means to lose all the things I can't live without
Let it be known that I choose to lose
It's a sacrifice, but I can't live a lie
Let it be known, let it be known that I tried
What does it mean to be loved? People may try to remind you in your darkest times to never forget that you are loved. What is the highest count that you will love with? If you have lost things that you cannot live without, how are you still able to carry on? We learn to sacrifice all the time. We make choices when there are no choices. There are no choices when we make choices. What about when our choices are taken away? We can only hold on long enough until it can no longer be sustained, until it is no longer tenable.
I'm so afraid, but I'm open wide
I'll be the one to catch myself this time
Tryna learn to lean into it all
Ain't it funny how the mighty fall?
Looking back, I don't regret a thing
Yeah, I took some bad turns that I'm owning
I'll stand still and let the storm pass by
Keep my heart safe till the time feels right
Have you been able to master the art of catching yourself? If you are being drilled to share your feelings and you don't know how you feel about things, how can you then articulate it? People will throw your failures, perceived failures, misunderstandings, whatever they can grab their hands on into your face. Will you be able to look back and not regret a thing? We constantly remind each other - don't dish out what you can't take in. How can we strike this balance in our lives?
Let it be known that I cried for you
Even started lying to you
What a thing to do
All because I wanted
When we start lying to those we are supposed to love, we know that love is on its way to being lost. We try to do everything in our power to control what cannot be controlled. We cannot hope to hold onto what we cannot hold, cannot hold who we cannot hold, if we haven't yet figured out who we are, how are we are actually supposed to know what to do with ourselves, let alone with others? Are you prepared to waste more tears on situations that have moved beyond you, without you? We all make mistakes and judgements that lead us to places we never expected to find ourselves. When will we stop lying to ourselves too?
To be loved and love at the highest count
Means to lose all the things that I can't live without
Let it be known, known, known
That I will choose, I will lose
It's a sacrifice, but I can't live a lie
Let it be known
Let it be known that I tried, that I tried
Let it be known that I tried
I hope that when you are faced with difficult situations or are in new and evolving relationships, that you learn to navigate your way with as much choice as you can muster. When we say we can no longer live a lie, who are we lying to the most? We shouldn't have to prove ourselves to others, to the world if we choose to sacrifice - whatever it is that we need to let go. I guess all you can do is continue to try, day in day out, until you are satisfied and content with your own efforts for growth. Who do you want it to be known that you gave it all you could, that you tried? Fundamentally it comes down to being heard and doing all you can to make sure that in order for you to love, that you too need to be loved. . .