Run Deep. . .

And my eyes are wide this morning
But my heart is heavy still
There's a sea inside me
Storming, 'cause I'm battling with my will
Though I may grow tired and weary
And ache within my bones
I will fight for what I believe in, even if I fight alone
I know that I'm gon' keep on moving on
'Cause nobody can stop me, yeah

There are many performances of this song on YouTube but my favourite performance is this one that I've featured here.  This particular track also has a rap featured in it, which you can hear if you follow my Spotify playlist also entitled "ManuScript".  But enough about those logistics.  Have your bones been feeling weary lately?  I'm not sure if you have been taking good care of yourself.  I know I can't talk.  I've been burning the candle at both ends and there is definitely no wick left, nor any wax.  Are you battling with your will?  We may be overextending ourselves.  Pushing ourselves beyond our limits and that's because we are trying to push beyond all of the boundaries that people keep imposing on us, all of the restrictions that people keep trying to contain us in.  If you need to start fighting for yourself, then it might be time to stand up and make it happen, make it a priority, make a stance with every chance you get.  

'Cause I gather my armour
And I'm ready for battle
I got my weapons drawn
Taking the road less travelled
And I'm ready to do this
And nobody can stop me
'Cause I'm thoroughly convinced
This is my love and it runs deep

I don't think that you can ever avoid walking the road less travelled, especially when you try to conform and walk where everyone else goes.  But as hard as you try to be like everybody else, there are more and more circumstances that lead you to where you know you have to walk a path alone.  That has always been something that I have struggled with.  To try and understand. well, to accept reality, that when you have a calling that requires you to truly own the path, then there is no point in trying to resist and go against the grain.  But we're not talking about the grain of everyone else, rather we are talking about the grain that speaks about you and what you are doing with your life.  If there are people who are trying to stop you, learn to walk around them.  We need to be selective about the battles that we choose to engage in.  Sometimes we have to learn this lesson the hard way, but these are worthwhile lessons to learn if we are to be in the space that allows us to grow the most.

And my whole life
There have been many who have tried to bring me down
But I know in my soul
Oh that I am upward bound
Doesn't matter what they think of me
'Cause I know what I was born to be
I don't do it, 'cause it's trendy
I hold on to my integrity
Manifest my own reality
And soon all them haters will see
That nobody can stop me yeah

How have you survived people who tried to bring you down?  The best thing to do is to stay focused on the goals that you have set for yourself and to ignore whatever dramas they are trying to bring to your doorstep.  I've lost count of how many times I have tried to convince people to stay on their path and ignore people talking smack about them.  When I have experienced that kind of negativity for myself, of course, you initially think, this really hurts and I just want to retaliate.  But that isn't the answer.  Instead, the focus should be on developing the emotional maturity to withstand it.  Do you know what you were born to be?  Some people figure out who they are and where they are heading a lot faster than others - but life isn't a competition to be won in that sense.  There is a lot to be said for learning about things along the way, learning to be more resilient and understanding what your lessons should be.  

And the skinny ass black girl back of the class
Damn try than think I could pass
Then I fight 'cause I had already lost more than my share of battles  
Seafront why had, therefore she just le 
Me try to break me wreck me, give up, listen
Now they're playing super sonic
They don't feel intimidated give up on my dreams and goes for theirs to be accommodated
Let them use my mind and body making that shit looks saucy
That's because they used my gifts 'cause they might call me bitch and bossy
Now in my soul with them down, and fo'
Exactly what they love when I crown me, fo'
What I hold they can't touch
What I had they can't buy
When toe to toe they doubt it couple times I'm buried in that lie
Ya I lost some battles, but I win the war
Here to stand underestimated, I'll settle the score
Trendy like the blood in my vein, to give me fever
And I still running till you divide

I'm at a writing retreat paid for by my university.  It's my first time at this particular venue and there are some other groups of people here for their own reasons, doing their own thing.  I just finished eating breakfast.  The usual cereal and toast. One woman introduced herself to me while she sat her daughter down to settle her in.  She introduced herself as being on the retreat as part of a programme delivered by a society that works closely with the downs syndrome community.  She wanted to know what I was doing there and I told her, I'm trying to finish writing my doctoral thesis.  She wanted to know what I was doing my doctorate in, so I told her, Education. "You would be interested to know what I do for work then". She is a teacher, but also a parent of a daughter with downs syndrome, who was once high functioning and now low functioning.  She talked about how the hormones dramatically changed her daughter.  As I sat there, I thought about the fact that this woman was telling me, a total stranger, very personal things about her daughter.  So I sat there and listened to what she had to say.  

I had to re-read Robert Frost's "The Road Not Taken" and it has been something I have seen pop up over the years throughout my educational journey.  It has never been more relevant now as I stand on the cusp of completing this monster of a thesis. To anybody who doesn't understand what's involved, it is something that you don't take on lightly.  When you are taking on a huge deal, your worst enemy will most likely end up being yourself.  You may find it easy to play the blame game, and blame others for things not going your way, but there is only so much that extenuating circumstances are responsible.  Instead, we need to shift the focus on what we are doing to contribute to the situation.  If we are not contributing in a meaningful way, then guaranteed you will not be able to get to your goal any faster than standing at the start line.  Prepare for your journey accordingly.  

And I gather my armour
And I'm ready for battle
I got my weapons drawn
Taking the road less traveled
And I'm ready to do this
And nobody can stop me (can't stop, won't stop)
'Cause I'm thoroughly convinced
This is my love and it runs deep

Go girl, the queen
This is my love and it runs deep
This is my love and it runs deep
(This is my love, this is my love)
This is my love and it runs deep
This is my love
This is my love and it runs deep