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Run to you. . .

I know that you when you look at me
There's so much that you just don't see
But if you only take the time
I know in my heart you'd find
A girl who's scared sometimes
Who isn't always strong
Can't you see the hurt in me?
I feel so all alone

People only see what they want to see of you.  Will they ever be able to see what lies beneath the surface?  They want the things that they think you can give them - reputation, standing in the community, someone to be on their arm to show around like some trophy.  Would they really take the opportunity to get to know you, the real you, that the world doesn't know?  If we are always strong, all of the time, how can we learn to be vulnerable and learn to share the load when it's required?  We might be out of touch with how to be able to do that, we haven't had the practice, and then relationships end before they even begin because you don't know how to compromise or give and take accordingly.

I wanna run to you (ooh)
I wanna run to you (ooh)
Won't you hold me in your arms
And keep me safe from harm?
I want to run to you (ooh)
I want to run to you (ooh)
Tell me, will you stay or will you run away?

Can someone really protect you from all the harm that seeks to find you?  I used to think that this was possible.  Over recent years there have been promises made that have been continually broken, and for the most part I have accepted that, because they were promises made by broken men who didn't realise that they didn't have the capacity to try and protect me when they were the ones who needed protecting from themselves.  It's perfectly ok to be held by people who know that all you need is a huge hug and a chance for you to cry it all out on their shoulder.  The last person I entrusted to truly hold me, left me 7 years ago.  I have never felt an embrace remotely close to that since, and despite budding romances that come, I need to also give people a chance even though the world is chaotic all around me.


Each day, each day I play the role
Of someone who's always in control
But at night I come home and turn the key
There's nobody there, no one cares for me
Oh oh, what's the sense of trying hard to find your dreams
Without someone to share it with?
Tell me what does it mean

I don't know about you, but if you're like me, you are constantly playing the role that people want you to play.  You might be the go-to person who has all the answers or is able to point people in the right direction.  Don't get me wrong, I like being able to support and help as many people as possible - it's how I'm built, and I wouldn't change that for anything.  I have been wondering though, about being successful and people perceiving that about me.  I sometimes wish I could share that with somebody who is genuinely interested in my life's mission and the divine appointment that I was given and couldn't ignore even if I tried.  I also think about opportunities to have children.  Yes that's right.  Having a baby.  Something I had never thought of before but this is because I was busy trying to not get pregnant all throughout high school, deliberately staying away from boys as per my strict Samoan parents' instructions.  And now I find myself here - wondering what it would be like to have children who looked like me, and who I could invest unconditional love and pass on lessons that I want them to know, stories that I want them to pass on to their own children.  

Oh I need you here
I need you here to wipe away my tears
To kiss away my fears
No (if only you knew) if you only knew how much

I hope that whoever you are with, that you know that they are ready to embrace you, to care for you and protect you.  If you are in a new relationship, I guess you better tell that person what you want from them to help you feel loved and protected.  You might want to ask them too what they need from you in order to feel the same.  It will take time, energy and commitment to make any new relationship work.  It will also mean that you need to take a chance to do your best to be vulnerable when otherwise you would be strong.  Sometimes we need to fall apart in front of people who claim that they want to be there for you.  That's the difference in being able to run away from you or being able to run to you. . . 
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