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Forever / Beautiful grace

I'm so unworthy 
I don't deserve you
Grace and mercy
I'm so unworthy
I'm so unworthy
You left Your throne because Your love heard me
I'm so unworthy
In my sins I was lost
'Til the lighthouse of the cross
Saved a wretch like me
And now I am redeemed
I will spend forever falling in love with you
I will spend forever falling in love with you

Have you ever felt unworthy?  I'm talking a little bit more here than just having doubts about yourself.  I'm talking about a serious blow to the system, a knock to your confidence so big that you think the very breath of life is almost knocked out of you.  Finding it hard to breathe and trying to come to grips with the state of your own situation may cause you to think that there is no resolution in sight, there is no conceivable way for you to be able to survive, to make it through, to even remotely start to push through.  The thing about living in a world like ours, in this present day and time, is that there will be loads of people who will try to say that you are unworthy - in as many different permutations of what that means is as humanly possible.  And this is the crux of the matter.  We cannot rely on humans ot define who we are.  We cannot rely on being recognised for our worth and value (even though the recent Queen's Birthday honours list just released, shows an awesome calibre of people's work that I greatly admire!) but what about those who struggle to just be able to be there for people in need, day in, day out.  How many people are you saving in your own life?  Are you doing all that is humanly possible to rectify human behaviour that isn't right in God's eyes?  


(I finally got the courage to ask ya)
How could you love me?
When I fail you, still think of me
How could you love me?
(Why would you choose to do what you do Jesus?)
How could you love me?
(I was spiritually broke)
But the debt I owed (But You paid it)
You paid it for me (How?)
How could you love me?
(You don't keep a record of my wrongs, but Jesus I do)
I messed up so many times (That I thought)
I thought love was just a lie (But then)
'Til it hung on Calvary (Every nail)
Every nail was just for me

Why would someone still love you, in spite of all of the things that you did?  It takes even more than a Herculean effort to continue to love someone who might otherwise constantly disappoint, always fail you and never think twice about hurting your feelings.  I imagine this is how God feels when I fail him on multiple levels.  There is no such as perfection.  And me as a human, I am completely far from perfection.  I'm on the other end of the spectrum.  There are some people who believe that is absolutely correct.  There are others who think that I am a role model and completely worthy.  This is the difference in believing what you will about your own self-worth and how you choose to be self-reflective, always trying to strive to not only be the best version of yourself, but to be the best possible person for others who are in need of someone like you, with all of your faults, because it's what makes you haman, makes you relatable, makes you able to connect with people in so many more ways than if you lived a perfect life full of punctuation and perfect grammar.  Who loves you more than you ever thought possible?  Be around that type of energy.  Learn to revel in that kind of love.  

I'm a mess, I make mistakes
Get mad and say things I shouldn't say 
Still your love reminds me everyday
I'm the reason why God made grace
I'm singing grace
I'm the reason why God made grace
See your grace is amzing
I was lost then you saved me
I was blind but now I see
I see the son who ran away
Who rejected every word I would say
But when the father sees the prodigal's face
He will hold him and will give him amazing grace ayy
I'm singing grace 
I'm the reason why God made grace (Hallelujah)
I'm singing grace
I'm the reason why God made grace

I hope that you find opportunities to feel God's grace.  I have lost count of the times that God's mercy and grace have followed me.  Once you have felt it just one time, just one time, you know that He will always be there for you, not when you want Him, but when you need Him the most.  You shall go through life questioning your own worth.  You will go through life wondering if you are honouring the true call that you have been destined to pursue.  There are no tidy straight lines that marks how you live life from point A to point B.  There is no such thing.  And if you are living a life like that, then you're not really living.  This life is nothing without struggle, without deprivation and without sorrow.  The think is, not to let all of those negative experiences overcome you or overwhelm you.  Learn to discover your best traits whilst others seek your demise.  Learn to lean on God throughout all your trials.  Become a warrior and not a worrier.  Face your confrontations head on and be still in the knowledge that God never forsakes you, he never leaves you and He will be waiting to embrace you at the end of it all.  That is how much I will try to remember His love forever while continuing to critically self reflect and learn more about and marvel about His beautiful grace. . . 
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