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Thank you for it all. . .

I thank you for it all
The good, bad, the ugly, great and small
The times of victory and when I fall
I'm so grateful that I'm still standing tall
I thank You for my tears 
The pain helped me overcome my fears
You've been good to me down throughout the years
It's a miracle that I'm still standing here
All that I am is because (of) 
All that You (have) brought me through
And everything I've survived 
It's all because of You

I have never learned to truly be grateful for tears so much as I have right now, in this particular season of my life.  Just when I think I cannot handle another breakdown or coming to my knees moment, there is yet another challenge to face.  We may count ourselves lucky that we are not as far worse off than those around us.  How many times have I seen the good, bad, ugly, great and small?  Often I see those things in myself when I look in the mirror.  I have to take the time to recognise what is looking back at me when I try to examine every flaw and every blemish that the world must surely see amplified.  How much pain does one need to go through before you think you truly know what pain feels like?  How many waves must you endure until you've learned your lesson?  Rather than give up and feel sorry for myself, there is no other way to be - other than to just be grateful.  Embrace the pain and be thankful for being able to feel at all.  I know that I'm alive because I can feel this pain.  Others who have gone before may not have the luxury of breathing like I am right now. They may have had unfinished business that I take for granted by just being alive.  I need to learn to acknowledge that my sacrifice is not for naught.

How can I say thank You for all the ways You have made for me
I can't thank You enough
And doors you opened up
The times you were there, always making a way for me
I can't thank You enough
I cannot express the gratitude that I feel for You right now
I can't thank You enough
So I just have to pause for a moment right now and say

I cannot only hope for a life that exists solely of good and great things.  I must experience pain and trauma because Jesus did. But far greater and for a far greater good than I could ever imagine, than I could ever hope to take on. I often think about Jesus weeping alone in the garden while His disciples slept. He counted on them being able to be there and pray with Him while he was preparing for His destiny. But they couldn't stay awake. They couldn't devote their energy wholeheartedly to be able to truly be there for Him. I often wonder whether this was part of God's plan. We can never make sense of our pain, until we relinquish and surrender ourselves to it. Learn to feel it and recognise exactly what thoughts run through your mind so that you can talk yourself through it, talk yourself through each scene that flashes before your eyes. I am so grateful for all the doors that closed in my face. I never would have known that those doors were not meant for me to enter. 


I've got to say thank you (thank You)
For all that You've done for me (for all that You've done for me)
Thank You for every opportunity (for every opportunity)
I gotta say thank You, I've gotta tell You thank you
For all the ways You've made a way (You've always made a way)
Thank You, I just want to say, I just want to say
Thank you, thank You, for my life, for my life
Thank you, thank You, for my health
Thank you, thank You, for my strength

For all the times that I experienced loss and trauma. I could hear God's voice telling me that those moments would not linger for long. Each time He lead me to darkness and despair, it was to show me just how brightly I could shine if I truly believed in Him and trusted in Him. For all the times that society, people in general, passed judgement and would wish for my downfall or loved to gossip about me, I learned to diminish those voices and learned to hear beautiful music instead. You can only let so much penetrate you. The many situations that you learn to navigate through, sometimes sitting still to take in what is going on around you. People with advice and good intentions can only go so far. At the end of the day, it is your destiny that you are born to fulfill that comes out in the end. I keep my head up and learn to close my eyes and raise my face to the sky. Where do You want me to go Lord? What do You want me to do? When should I do Your will? I don't even need to ask these questions. He sets the path for me to follow. He gives me signs in all of the things and people who surround me. 

I thank You for it all
The good, bad, the ugly, great and small 
The times of victory and when I fall
I'm so grateful that I'm still standing tall
All that I am is because of all that You brought me through
Everything I survive is all because of You
I'm grateful for You

I continue to hope. Even when I am in a season of falling. The thing about falling though, is that you should never tire of getting back up. Forces beyond your unfathomable mind will continue to try and keep you down. Don't let them. Laugh in the faces of those who don't know what you're made of. They will not win. They will not ruin you. They will not know that this journey that is your life, isn't even yours to live. You were born for a reason. You were born for a purpose. Nobody can try to take away what was never theirs to give. Your life is beyond their comprehension. You survival is their greatest upheaval. They will never understand why you continue to hope. They will never understand why you continue to love. They will never understand why you continue to dream. And that is because your life and your life's mission isn't actually about you. The mission you are serving is for those who actually seek to cause you harm. Isn't that the most ironic thing of all? That they are seeking to destroy that which was made specifically for their purpose. No amount of tears, pain, struggle, loss, or lack of faith can never replace the ultimate realisation, that through it all, I thank you for it all. . . .

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