I thought I shook myself free
You xee I bounce back quicker than most
But I'm half delirious, is too mysterious
You walk through my walls like a ghost
And I take every day at a time
I'm as proud as a Lion in his lair
Now there's no denying it, a note to crying it
You're all tangled up in my head
How is your level of resilience? When you come up against something, do you bounce back quicker than most? Unless you go through trauma, for some, sadly there are multiple incidents of trauma, that once connected in a timeline shows a recipe for reverting to old habits. Do you have any old habits that you're trying to break? How are you able to get your head recalibrated again? Who is going to help you to do that? We won't know how to do this recalibration until we figure out ways to replace those old habits with new habits.
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough to feel the pain
But I've been thinking about rather than just that juxtaposition of old and new habits - what about positive or negative habits? Good or bad habits? How do we navigate our way through making decisions about how we classify our habits? Maybe we need to take a step back and do some serious self-reflection to figure out which habits serve our purpose, our mission in life, and which habits detract us from reaching our destiny.
We haven't spoken in months
You see I've been counting the days
I dream of such humanities, such insanities
I'm lost like a kid and I'm late
But I've never taken your coats
Haven't no block on my phone
I act like an addict, I just got to have it
I can never just leave it alone
Who have you not spoken to in months? I recently had someone block me on social media and I actually thought it was funny, because we hadn't spoken in months and the last conversation we had didn't warrant being "unfriended". I trawled through the back of mind through countless archives of our history and I couldn't see where I had done anything to offend him. When does the way that we are, become something that others no longer value? I guess we shouldn't take things personally. But instead, look within and check in on yourself.
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough just to feel the pain
Do you recall the soldiers in your life? I wonder how many friends we have lost along the way, comrades who helped to champion some of the causes that we believed in, and are no longer with us. When we experience pain and we don't know where to put it, lashing out at others is very easy to do. Just as easy as that is continuing to engage in habits that only hinder you from your real destination. What habits do we want to die a fast death? Habits don't seem to fade as fast as humans do.
And I can't give you up
Can't leave you alone
And it's hard, so hard
And hard enough to feel the pain
When do you know when to give someone up? We often hear sentiments like, if love is no longer being served at the table, leave, Whatever reasons people have in staying usually stems from being able to put someone else's needs before their own. When do we recognise the time self-sacrifice is no longer sustainable? The dependency issues that can be created through trauma is no joke. We go through seasons where we will collect people along the way who show up not only when we least expect them to, but they arrive at a time when there is nobody else who could've helped you.
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Harder than November rain
Old habits die hard
Old soldiers just fade away
Old habits die hard
Hard enough just to feel the pain
I hope that you are kinder to yourself and stop beating yourself up. There are more things to look forward to in life, more things to be grateful for in your present situation, despite being in these unprecedented times with COVID-19. Remember to keep that fight in you when you need to access it. We need to discern those moments when we are required to step up and be mindful of who we are, our habits of mind, the processes that we engage in on a daily basis to make sense of our world. I guess this is why when we are at our lowest points we realise that old habits die hard. . . .