Song blogpost requested by Tee Cee Toomata :-)
I've been staring at the sky tonight
Marveling and passing time
Wondering what to do with daylight
Until I can make you mine
You are the one I want, you are the one I want
I haven't had much of a chance to stare up at the sky lately. But tonight I did catch the shepherd's delight with the beautiful clouds and its coconut marshmallow icecream hues. At the worst of times, I feel like I am passing time, waiting for the next stage of my life to begin. My daylight hours are filled with the demands of daily life that are not my own, but those of others. The life of service is a tough one, especially when you do these things alone with little time for your own wellbeing, to nurture yourself and ensure that you can connect with people who care about you too. People who take time out of their own day to touch base and ask how you are. Who is the one you want?
I've been thinking of changing my mind
It never stays the same for too long
But of all the things I know for sure
You're the only certain one
You are the one I want, you are the one I want
We either think about changing our minds and never do it, or we change our minds too often enough. We can never really seem to get the balance right, and when we finally do, it's often because we have had to work really hard or experience some real trauma to force ourselves to get this right. There are not very many certain things in life. Even times when you have been told that things are permanent. People say that the rent is due every day, and nothing is ever guaranteed. What are you sure that stays the same at all these days? Can you even count on yourself to be able to stay the same at the beginning of each new day? I sometimes think that I don't know as much as I thought I did. All of the things that I had counted on, can no longer be counted on this earth. I'm not sad about it. I just accept that this is how things are for now.
I've been counting up all my wrongs
One sorry for each star
See I'd apologise my way back to you
If the heavens stretched that far
Cos you are the one I want, .you are the one I want
How good are you at counting up and owning up to all your wrongs? Ego and pride are the biggest blockers and deterrents from you really having a chance at redemption. When we refuse to acknowledge or admit that we are wrong, we will never be able to move forward with anything that is worth anything. How many people have you wronged? Just when you think you have worked on yourself long enough to improve your outlook and worldview on a daily basis, you might be deluding yourself. Would you be able to apologise your way back to one who needed to hear you say sorry most of all? In order to even start counting up all your wrongs, you would need to first admit that you had done wrong in the first place - something that people are very rarely able to do.
I won't find what I'm looking for
If I only "see" by keeping score
'Cause I know now you are so much more than arithmetic
Have you learned to see without seeing? We forget to think and feel, and rely only on what's in front of us, to see that with our eyes. Do you persist on keeping score? Sometimes we don't even realise we're playing in some kind of game, like when Harry Potter walked onto that chessboard and didn't realise he had to play to win in order to live. I wonder if people know that other people play games with their lives too? And don't realise how much other people try to play with your livelihood, your life - your freedom? How much more than arithmetic do you know? I guess we just have to count on ourselves sometimes.
'Cause if I add, if I subtract
If I give it all, try to take some back
I've forgotten the freedom that comes from the fact
That you are the sum
So you are the one
I want
When you think you have freedom, you don't really know what it means to be free until it is taken away from you. We can go through lives and feel like we are free, but actually be living a life of bondage, a life that ties us to circumstances and events and situations that we cannot hope to control, and should we even want to? Do you become the sum of all things? What are you in this equation? How often have you wanted to add yourself to something else, or subtract yourself from a potentially sticky situation? I had to find out what the true answer to all thing was not the sum of me. I was not the answer to myself. Instead, I realised that by continuing to push forward and rely on faith in what was above me and beyond me, I would only be able to truly be able to understand what was within me.
When the years are showing on my face
And my strongest days are gone
When my heart and flesh depart this place
From a life that sung your song
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
You'll still be the one I want
I hope you think carefully about what you want. We can go through life being adamant about things and people and places, completely understanding your place in the world and how you fit into it. Do you wonder what the world would be like when your heart and flesh depart this place? We often worry that the world will stop without us or that people will not know how to move on when you are gone. All we can is continue to sing songs. What songs will you sing? We will all have different songs for specific occasions and moments that warrant our voices rising up to be heard and to acknowledge the significance of being present. I've been learning to move away from leaning on myself, but to live in greater faith. Of all of those who have fallen away, there are very few who remain. But You'll still be the one I want . . .