I can't stop talking to myself
I keep on looking in the mirror
Something is different about me these days
Or maybe I just woke up
I know I'm breaking through my shell
'Cause everything is getting clearer
A little light can make a lot of change
Or maybe I just spoke up
Or maybe I am just finally
I'm celebrating my birthday today in New Zealand. I haven't had a birthday cake in a few years, but tonight I got one as I'm currently sitting in a church Sunday School Teachers' meeting to confirm our exams for this year - so it's hard to come to a meeting and not bring a cake. If you know you know. It's a Pacific Island thing. It's a Samoan thing. So, another year older, is anything different? Has anything changed? I find that the older I get, the less tolerance I have for people who waste my time. But in actual fact, I like to be able to spend time the way I see fit, with people whom I value spending time. There should be a sense of clarity that comes with advancing age, because you would've had a series of life experiences that has helped you to make sense of who you are and who you want to be in the world.
Conscious
Haven't gone crazy I promise
I'm just high up from that harness
Open my mouth 'cause I feel
(Feel, feel, feel)
Conscious
You might say I'm out of pocket
But I got so tired of boxes
Watch me as I keep it real
(Real, real, real)
Conscious
I feel as if I have been conscious for a long time and sometimes wish I wasn't. It can be a very lonely journey to try and be oblivious to one's surroundings and respond accordingly. You can't unfeel what you feel. You can't unsee what you see. You can't unhear what you hear. When you notice things that people don't notice, it is a lonely experience to try and navigate that space on your own. As much as people will try to help you, they often lack the patience, they lack the understanding. but sadly also lack the articulate words to be on the same conscious wavelength as well. If you are not prepared to pay attention to what is front of you, at least have the naus to be aware of it. I am currently struggling with people who run their mouths and don't really have the decency to say things to my face. How can I keep it real if I can hear them say things across the room - but don't know how to stand up and say it to me? Completely ridiculous. Keep breathing. Keep still. Keep quiet. But maaaaan is my patience wearing thin.
There's a new rhythm in my walk
I'm taking every step on purpose
And I've seen people start to notice
But maybe I just don't care
I know that some will say that I'm lost
I'm eating apples from the serpent
Does my awareness make you nervous?
I'm thankful that I'm now finally
Listen to the way that you walk. Is there a spring in your step? Is there a dullness in the sound? Are you walking, slowly dragging your feet or are you getting your running shoes on? Learn to be purposeful with how you walk. Learn to walk solidly and never waver in your steps. Is the swagger missing in your gait? Do you get sick of people looking at you when you walk. I mean, you can't necessarily get up and smack their eyes. Sometimes I dream about that, but I digress. When do you stop caring? I've always taken issues with that phrase - "I don't care" or "I've stopped caring". The more accurate phrase is "I'm not bothered" or "I've stopped being bothered". It takes a bit of work to try and figure that out for yourself. But once you do, you can't look back. There is no going back after that.
Conscious
Haven't gone crazy I promise
I'm just high up from that harness
Open my mouth 'cause I feel
(Feel, feel, feel)
Conscious
You might say I'm out of pocket
But I got so tired of boxes
Watch me as I keep it real
(Real real, real)
What is being crazy anyway? Why do you need to reassure people that when you do things that seem to be "out of the ordinary" or "outside the box" - that you're just honouring who you are. Why do people insist on trying to harness your power? It is hard to try and make peace with yourself about not reacting to people that push your buttons. Are you constantly paying for things that you didn't expect to have to buy? Why are you out of pocket? Maybe you need to figure out how to stop people reaching into your pockets when you're not looking. Don't keep valuable objects in your pockets. Maybe you should only be putting your hands in your pockets so that you can keep your hands warm instead. After all it is winter in New Zealand.
While you spend your time chasing collections
I'll chase a deeper connection
To love more
Live more
Be more
Are you a collector of objects and people? You might be spending time trying to avoid being part of someone's collection. More often than not, I find myself being ogled and coveted by people who seek to try and steal my thinking (sorry, you can't separate the thinking from the person). Who are you trying to chase deeper connections with? If you naturally attract deep connections because people are seeking them from you, then have a think about whether you want to oblige them or not.
Conscious
Haven't gone crazy I promise
I'm just high up from that harness
Open my mouth 'cause I feel
(Feel, feel, feel)
Consciouscon
You might say I'm out of pocket
But I got so tired of boxes
Watch me as I keep it real
(Real real, real)
I hope you take those boxes that people keep trying to put you in, tear them apart and throw them back in their faces. I started writing this blogpost yesterday when it was my birthday in New Zealand, but around the rest of the world, it's still my birthday haha. I don't fit well in a box. I never have. So I never understood the insistence of people trying to fit me into one. I hope that you take the chance to keep it real however much you can. Sometimes keeping it real means that silence will be much more effective. Sometimes it means just a glance or a raised eyebrow at someone to be clear that you do not tolerate their bullshit. No matter much people try to kill your spirit, at least you know you're alive because your conscience is conscious. . .