If you're like me, you probably didn't realise that Kate Winslet recorded some songs or you had no idea that she could sing. Well, here we are. I've had this song sitting in my ManuScript Drafts Spotify playlist for a while. I didn't quite find the right moment to use this song in a blog post and it's only been in recent months that I realise that this song is actually appropriate to talk about, or use as a reflection - right now. If you're only just starting to read my blogs and you're on Spotify, make sure you follow the Spotify playlist "ManuScript" where I've loaded all the songs I've blogged about.
Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head, I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change
When do you usually find yourself standing alone? Normally when you are left to pick up the pieces that someone has left behind, or you are in a space where you want to be alone. You might even be standing there alone because of circumstances beyond your control. Do you have a weight upon your heart? If things start to feel heavy on your heart, then it is usually because you are starting to find that having the ability to feel things, makes you realise that they might be feelings you don't want to carry or hold onto, someone else has pushed feelings onto you that you are not yet ready to deal with, or you are still trying to figure out how to feel in the first instance.
Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still, the question keeps on spinning in my mind
Did you try everything you could?
You might take a look back at things and question whether you tried everything, whether you tried as hard as you could. You start to feel like you're some kind of paramedic trained to exhaust every single possible solution until something sticks. Do you think that the more we experience trauma, specifically in love, that we either run headlong towards it, in every opportunity that it presents itself in or are you the complete opposite - avoiding love when it appears because you just can't trust your heart to know the difference between pain and pleasure, between love and lies? We only learn to draw the line once we allow others to draw their lines all over us and confuse the heck out of what we would normally tolerate, what we would normally accept or condone. Why do we accept abuse like that?
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
What does it even mean to hold onto someone though? Even when they don't want to be held? If somebody wants to hold you and be there for you and you refuse - you have to be prepared to come up with some pretty good reasons for not accepting that. Or at least you would like to think that you would be given some semblance of an explanation. But what happens if you don't know because you weren't told? I don't know any man I've known in a relationship who has ever stayed the same. They have always changed. Some for the better, some for reasons I will never understand, and quite frankly, was never told. I don't know what would've happened if time had been turned back.
Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heartache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change
Having lost a husband, time starts to play tricks on you. When things start to feel like it's easier and you feel like you are on the road to mending, you start to open your heart again and try to take it for a test drive, to see if it is capable of loving again. But you see the roads that lead to joy and some to heartache. I must admit, I did lose my way from time to time. Sometimes I forget how to get back to the main road so I start to look for signs that are familiar and decisions that I make that might even lead me to the main road at least. Do you think starting again is a good idea? You might think that going back to what you knew is the only solution. But what if plunging headlong into the unknown is the better option?
Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side
I hope that if you are contemplating returning to past loves that seem familiar and seem like the better option, for now, take another step back. Are you sure you want to head right back into the crazy world that you spent careful time and consideration, trying to extricate yourself from? I don't know if that's wise, but then again, who knows what is wise right? I read somewhere that wisdom occurs after a lesson is learned. Theoretically, it should mean that you shouldn't be dealing with the same incidents because you should've learned the lesson. Anyway, I guess time will tell when you deal with things and can shut it down when it appears (or he/she/they appear). I guess only then you won't need to worry about asking yourself that age-old question of what if. . .
Here I stand alone
With this weight upon my heart
And it will not go away
In my head, I keep on looking back
Right back to the start
Wondering what it was that made you change
When do you usually find yourself standing alone? Normally when you are left to pick up the pieces that someone has left behind, or you are in a space where you want to be alone. You might even be standing there alone because of circumstances beyond your control. Do you have a weight upon your heart? If things start to feel heavy on your heart, then it is usually because you are starting to find that having the ability to feel things, makes you realise that they might be feelings you don't want to carry or hold onto, someone else has pushed feelings onto you that you are not yet ready to deal with, or you are still trying to figure out how to feel in the first instance.
Well I tried
But I had to draw the line
And still, the question keeps on spinning in my mind
Did you try everything you could?
You might take a look back at things and question whether you tried everything, whether you tried as hard as you could. You start to feel like you're some kind of paramedic trained to exhaust every single possible solution until something sticks. Do you think that the more we experience trauma, specifically in love, that we either run headlong towards it, in every opportunity that it presents itself in or are you the complete opposite - avoiding love when it appears because you just can't trust your heart to know the difference between pain and pleasure, between love and lies? We only learn to draw the line once we allow others to draw their lines all over us and confuse the heck out of what we would normally tolerate, what we would normally accept or condone. Why do we accept abuse like that?
What if I had never let you go
Would you be the man I used to know
If I'd stayed
If you'd tried
If we could only turn back time
But I guess we'll never know
What does it even mean to hold onto someone though? Even when they don't want to be held? If somebody wants to hold you and be there for you and you refuse - you have to be prepared to come up with some pretty good reasons for not accepting that. Or at least you would like to think that you would be given some semblance of an explanation. But what happens if you don't know because you weren't told? I don't know any man I've known in a relationship who has ever stayed the same. They have always changed. Some for the better, some for reasons I will never understand, and quite frankly, was never told. I don't know what would've happened if time had been turned back.
Many roads to take
Some to joy
Some to heartache
Anyone can lose their way
And if I said that we could turn it back
Right back to the start
Would you take the chance and make the change
Having lost a husband, time starts to play tricks on you. When things start to feel like it's easier and you feel like you are on the road to mending, you start to open your heart again and try to take it for a test drive, to see if it is capable of loving again. But you see the roads that lead to joy and some to heartache. I must admit, I did lose my way from time to time. Sometimes I forget how to get back to the main road so I start to look for signs that are familiar and decisions that I make that might even lead me to the main road at least. Do you think starting again is a good idea? You might think that going back to what you knew is the only solution. But what if plunging headlong into the unknown is the better option?
Do you think how it would have been sometimes
Do you pray that I'd never left your side
I hope that if you are contemplating returning to past loves that seem familiar and seem like the better option, for now, take another step back. Are you sure you want to head right back into the crazy world that you spent careful time and consideration, trying to extricate yourself from? I don't know if that's wise, but then again, who knows what is wise right? I read somewhere that wisdom occurs after a lesson is learned. Theoretically, it should mean that you shouldn't be dealing with the same incidents because you should've learned the lesson. Anyway, I guess time will tell when you deal with things and can shut it down when it appears (or he/she/they appear). I guess only then you won't need to worry about asking yourself that age-old question of what if. . .