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Sometimes love just ain't enough. . .

Now I don't want to lose you
But I don't want to use you 
Just to have somebody by my side
And I don't want to hate you
I don't want to take you 
But I don't want to be the one to cry
And I don't really matter to anyone anymore
But like a fool I keep losing my place
I keep seeing you walk through that door

When you don't want to lose anybody there are a number of options that you can pursue.  Of course it all totally depends on whether you want to keep them for yourself, for their sake, for the both of you.  When you don't want to use someone, you have to think about their wellbeing, whether you put yourself and sacrifice yourself in order not to use them - because either way, someone is going to get hurt.  Sometimes we get into relationships with people because we are too afraid to be alone.  I don't know what you're like, but I know friends who are with people because they didn't want to be alone.  I understand why they would do that, because they look at me and think, I don't want to be alone like you.  But then I look back at them and say, well, I would rather be on my own than be with someone, anyone that wasn't - the one.

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough

Is there any such thing as loving anybody too much?  Maybe it's just too much for them?  Maybe when others look at how you love, they think that it's too much because they're in relationships where they're not doing enough?  So by diminishing how much you love it somehow balances out?  I've written blog posts before on my old blog that speak about love in this way - whether you are the person who is loving too much or you're the person who isn't loving enough.  We can never get that balance right you know?  I have rarely come across people who have that balance just right.  What dangers lurk where there is too much love?  I guess it's the foreboding that comes from knowing that if there is too much love, there is a danger of all of that love is just as easily taken away. 

Now, I could never change you
I don't want to blame you
Baby you don't have to take the fall
Yes, I may have hurt you, but I did not desert you
Maybe I just want to have it all
It makes a sound like thunder, it makes me feel like rain
And like a fool you'll never see the truth
I keep thinking that something's gonna change

There is this weird thing in relationships where once you fully accept the other person being in your life, once you have got past all of the things that attracted you to them in the first place, you then start to notice the things that you don't particularly like.  Where do we find this urge to have a perfect partner?  There is no such thing.  We try to find things to blame for our own insecurities, so we nitpick at things that exist in the other.  Why do you think you want to have it all?  Did somebody take away things that you thought belonged only to you?  Why do you let people take all of the power in your life anyway?  There might be times when you took the fall and took everything on the chin while the other person got away scot-free.  We can only know for sure that change will come.  Are you ready for it?


But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough

We know that we cannot trust our hearts because it leads us to places to be vulnerable and weak with people that we cannot know for sure, will be just as vulnerable and weak.  Ego and pride always get in the way of being completely honest, being completely truthful with each other.  We find that we lack the emotional maturity to be able to do this when we needed to, but only find that some years later, when we least expect, that closure comes knocking.  But part of that healing process comes all of the reopenings of old wounds that we had thought had healed.  Is it no wonder that we have closed up our hearts and refused to open it again with such wounds that took such a long time to heal?  I guess we can only trust with our hearts when we are prepared to be hurt and be completely knocked out. 

And there's no way home when it's late at night and you're all alone
Are there things that you wanted to say?
And do you feel me beside you in your bed?
There beside you where I used to be?

You must not go through life with any regrets.  There must be times when you have to speak up and really share with people how you feel.  Whether they choose to listen and accept what you have to say, or close their ears and refuse to acknowledge your feelings, well then, that's all on them,  At least you have had the chance to be able to speak up and say your piece.  I have always been thankful for people being able to speak up and share what they have wanted to say to me.  They have always come at opportune times, as I reflect in retrospect, but at the time, it seemed like it was coming out of the blue.  When we are reimagining situations of our past, we need to deal with them so that we move forward. 

But there's a danger in loving somebody too much
And it's bad when you know it's your heart you can't trust
There's a reason why people don't stay where they are
Baby, sometimes love just ain't enough

I hope that you know how much you are loved, even when it is from afar.  I have been lucky to have known love and friendship over the years and continue to feel it.  Everyone I know is where they are meant to be until they are where they want to be.  Sometimes love hasn't been enough to stay in love, to be in love with who we would like. because other priorities loom ahead that force us to sacrifice love.  If you come even within the sheer vicinity or proximity of that person, you just know for sure that you can't trust your heart.  The smart option is to walk away with memories and know that one day you will see each other or meet again.  You have to move forward and make a life for yourself that is filled with hope and happiness, maybe even eventually find love again.  But just for right now you might be lucky enough to exchange words that reveal how much you mean to each other and finally accept that sometimes love just ain't enough. . . 

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