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Just for me. . .

Just for me
Many doors you've closed just for me
Sometimes you will say no
So I'll be
Tested in Your fire to purify my desires
So my blessings won't be
Just for me
So caught up in myself I couldn't see
The world did not revolve around me
So storms are in Your will
So I can feel what others feel, their needs
If I could speak honestly

We never really understand the times when we are denied what we think we deserve.  It takes a long time to get over incidents and situations that were extremely painful, changed the course of your life and you think - is this as good as it gets?  When was the last time you were truly tested?  I don't think you can ever go through life without being tested.  I'm not just talking about standardised testing in little exams that we went through in high school.  I'm talking about the type of testing that you don't realise you are being subjected to because you recognise how much pressure and stress you are under - that you surely know - you are in a period of great testing.  We can often get so caught up in our own problems in our own little world, that we forget to see that there are others in your world who also require attention and love, who also have needs besides yours. 

It don't feel good, but growing never does
It don't seem fair, for you to call this love
But if necessary pain is the ingredient for change
Even when life may be bittersweet it's working

Growing up is hard.
It's something that we put off as long as possibly can because we believe that we still have loads of time to be a child, we don't have to grow up just yet.  I've seen it too often with people around me when they want to continue to engage in child-like behaviours and forget about responsibilities and obligations for a while.  I mean, I guess it's ok to still be a child at heart and have that same kind of joy that we should fondly remember before it eludes us when we need to grow up.  What doesn't seem fair to you?  It could mean having to grow up faster than you anticipated or needed to.  When other people drop their grown-up responsibilities, so you need to pick up the slack and overcompensate for their lack of contributions - it doesn't make you feel good, it's not fair - so what do you do?



Just for me
All the moments I missed that were
Just for me
Because I chose not to wait patiently
Before every mistake 
Was the same amount of grace
It kept my blessing waiting
Just for me 
Trusting Your timing is not easy
And what I was not always what I need
Somewhere I forgot you are God and I am not
I see
If I could speak honestly

We need to pay attention to the moments that we've missed.
I've been accused of not paying attention to details or letting things slip that I would normally be really sharp at retaining information.  It is so easy to be impatient and not to really hear what someone is saying.   Have I been ignoring God and not listening to His messages for me?  Maybe.  When I have been impatient and didn't want to wait for the blessing, I realise that I have been distracting myself and delaying myself from receiving the blessing that was meant for me.  You can never really trust the timing, we tend to force the issue, we tend to overthink or do too many things - when we should just sit tight and wait.             

It don't feel good, but growing never does
It don't seem fair for you to call this love
But if necessary pain is the ingredient for change
Even when life may be bittersweet it's working

I hope that whatever pain you are going through, understand and know that it is necessary pain because you need to go through it for the change to come.  When you experience tough love, the kind of love that sets your gait right again and teaches you the words that spill from your lips and even the feelings that you are fighting to suppress - you never really understand how to cope through it all, without making decisions in your mind to act accordingly.  So when we are blocked from doors that were once open, from people who were just as open - we need to think about what we want to be able to do.  I need to remember that when I think that I have nowhere else to go, nobody to turn to, You keep on making a way, making a way, just for me . . . 

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