When I grow up. . .

I want to be mad with courage, lost in living. . . 
Listen to the song on Spotify - search for Mahinarangi Tocker

When I grow up I want to be a rock and roll star 
Dance me around the living room
When I grow up I want to be an All Black 
Chasing play and running for you
When I grow up I want to be a model 
Challenge conversation and catwalk talk
When I grow up I want to be a singer 
Or an actor, a singer or a writer of something new

What did you want to be when you grow up?
We might remember the past memories of scenes played out with dolls or action figures, because we were influenced by something that we were fascinated with.  There might have been people in our families or family friends that we knew who worked in jobs that we thought were pretty cool.  We might have wanted to be completely unsuitable things like superheroes or astronauts, things that we believed had no limits or restrictions, things that we forget about until we actually do grow up and then become preoccupied with adult boundaries that childlike imaginations never take into account.  We become too serious for our own good and forget about those flights of fancy, those golden days, that were probably too green for our liking, but now seem sepia tinted with photograph evidence and smiles that seem to evade us, even in the mirror.

You're never too old to cry
Never too young to reason
Never too old to try
Never too young to reason

Dpending on the time of day or the kind of approach that you take when responding to situations - are they from a fresh new perspective, or the way you have always done things?  What you never too old to do?  What are you never too young to do?  We find ourselves stopping what we should be doing.  We stop living, ot at least making some moves forward, to gain momentum.  The thing about staying still for too long is that you watch everything else moving past you, or you just watch other people live their lifes while you watch them live it.  This isn't a competition either.  People will want to gravitate towards you for so many reasons, or not.  You might be the same - whether you want to be in contact with people or not.  There might be more pressing issues that take precedence in your life.  There is no rhyme or reason in that really.

I want to be mad with courage lost in living
I want to be crazy with passion, find myself in everybody
I want to be mad with courage lost in living
I want to be crazy with passion, find myself in everybody
When I grow up I just want to be me
I want to be me

What would stop you from being mad with courage? Maybe people think you have no right to be brave?  What would stop you from being crazy with passion?  Maybe people think you have no right to find yourself in everybody?  They might want you to be weak and not able to be resilient.  They might want to see you fail and not aspire to amount to anything.  They might be busy judging your every movement and hoping that you are not capable of doing anything worthwhile, especially if they are all limited by their own movements.  These people think that if they aren't capable of doing things, then surely you can't either.  They would rather see you suffer and be less than they are.  This helps them to sleep better at night.  This helps them understand that they are in power and that they are in control.  Let them think that, let them do that.  If you have always been mad with courage and crazy with passion, and people try to suppress you from doing that, they are not people worth having around.  If you are with people who stop you from being yourself - leave.

When I grow up I want to be a mother 
I will hang on your every word while you hang onto my heart
When I grow up I want to be a scientist 
Thank my lucky stars for if you dare in discovery
When I grow up I want to be a father 
I'll show my achievements for the world to see
When I grow up I want to be a designer 
I will dress your emotions and colour you in

The desire to want to be so many different things isn't really about being all of those different things.
It's actually about the principle of choice, and being able to have as many options available to you.  People who have the means, will have more choices about their end.  People who do not have the means, will do whatever is necessary to achieve the end.  Depending on which side of the fence you're sitting on, you will not be able to see this as clear as day.  You might not have the eyes that are equipped to see the discrimination that others face for whatever thing society feels that they must be punished for, yet have managed to thrive and rise above despite the hurdles, hoops and hindrances that have plagued them on this entire journey called life.  There is no blame to lay really.  It's an issue of equity.  
You're never too old to cry
Never too young to reason
Never too old to cry
Never too young to reason

Has someone asked you in your life - have you ever reached rock bottom?  Do yoiu think this is your rock bottom?  People are curious and ask you questions like that because they want to know if you are able to be broken, that you are breakable, that you can be hurt in ways that stop you from living your best life and your fullest potential.  Not because they are malicious people who practise schadenfraude - although you might know some people who practise this religiously, because their entire worldview is based on this.  Why do we need to feel as if we can only cry when we have grown up things to cry about.  Sometimes when you're the youngest person in the room, you have to reason with people who are twice your age, because they don't yet have the eyes to see what's really going on.

I want to be mad with courage lost in living
I want to be crazy with passion find myself in everybody
I want to be mad with courage lost in living
And I want to be crazy with passion, find myself in everybody
When I grow up I just want to be me
I just want to be me

I hope that as we grow up, that we really do in fact, grow up.
Being mature and being grown up should mean that we are no longer interested in being right.
Connections will sever that have come about from your own doing, from beyond your control. or the fact that it has come to a natural end.  People will start to see that you have reached a mutual understanding of how things will be from now on.  Being grown up means letting others feel as if they were right, admitting you were wrong, so that the real growth can begin.  You will find yourself going through your life, either truly living rather than existing, connecting with people who are ready to accept you in whatever stage you are in your life.  This is the real secret to life isn't it.  You will stop searching for that respite and trying to escape your life.  The answer you have been searching for has been looking back at you in the mirror everyday.  Forget everything else and know that you are always surrounded by love from places and people that want the best for you.  All you need to remember and carry with you everywhere so that everyone who meets you will know - I just want to be me. . .